I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
