He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
