Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
