I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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