she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
