then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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