My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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