did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
