She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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