Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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