someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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