just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
