That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
party gras won. party gras always wins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
