Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
