i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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