What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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