I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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