the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
