Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
