im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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