you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
