the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
