Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize