I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
