they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
