I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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