you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
