I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
