quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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