At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
