You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
