Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
