Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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