I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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