The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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