WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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