No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
