Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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