Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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