It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
