He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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