I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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