She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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