i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
