My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
