you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
