so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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