The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
