Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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