You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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