I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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