well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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