yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
