you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you had me at cake vodka
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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