with your own penis?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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