I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
