is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
