Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
