We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize