dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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