I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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