Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk is not a location!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My vagina is very pro this idea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
